my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
His hands were made for my vagina.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
