I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
