I showed him my bush... on skype.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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