there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
