We named our party play list daddy issues
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
