The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
