nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
