I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
