Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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