im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
