Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
