you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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