Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
