Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
