What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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