please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
