She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
