A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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