I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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