There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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