tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
