The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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