the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
