okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
