Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
