HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
