I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
