Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
