Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Acid is not a monday night drug
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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