i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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