I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
