listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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