xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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