i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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