I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
