I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
