I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
it glows. i had to have it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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