No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
