woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
