I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
