1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
