Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
