New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
