if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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