i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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