I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Oh god it's open bar.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
