it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
