i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
