If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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