you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
