the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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