Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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