You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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