I wanna bring you to show and tell
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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