I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
