Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
