saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
